The Beasts in the Museum (part 2): The hyenas

Hyenas are social carnivores that live in groups called clans. Within the hyena clan, there is a strict, linear dominance hierarchy: the animals who rank the highest are called the Art Critics and their rank allows them to take preferred resources (the best canapés and the spot closest to the artist) away from lower-ranking animals: the Art Students.

As lower ranking hyenas become more accustomed to the rules of the museum openings, they grow bolder. At first, they limit their activities to smaller galleries where only the occasional wine served in a disposable glass or cheap lager can be found. They also tend to stay pretty close to the door in case they might have to run. After a few months of such training, the hyena cubs leave the safety of the local galleries in favour of the larger institutions. Museums are large and full of danger for young cubs who don't know their way around; so cubs who have recently "graduated" from the local galleries usually stay tucked away in corners when the other members of their clan are nowhere to be found. The art students begin to observe and follow the art critics, freelance writers and other more experienced hyenas around to openings and press conferences and start to learn their way around the territory. Hyenas can live off such social gatherings quite comfortably for prolonged periods.

Most people think of hyenas as dirty, cowardly scavengers. Hyenas are indeed scavengers, but so are lions, commonly known as curators. Scavengers simply live off things that they did not make: art, institutions, food, etc. When lions scavenge, they usually appropriate goods from smaller predators, such as artists.

Lions are picky scavengers ― after all, they make a career out of it ― and when they abandon an exhibition (or a buffet), there is still plenty of food left for the hyenas. Hyenas are fast eaters, and they can go through two, even three openings in one day! Low-ranking hyenas seem to eat and drink the most, probably because they don't know when their next meal will be.

Hyenas make a noise that sounds like a maniacal laughter to signal submissiveness, usually when they’ve had a few too many glasses of free wine on an empty stomach and lack the vocabulary with which to express their perceptions of puzzling or bad artworks. Besides laughing, hyenas make many other vocalizations, the most famous being “This is so derivative”, a call that allows hyenas to signal that they belong to the clan.